Goodnight, My Love
by Emma Leigh Thomson
Summary: What would happen if Bella is never changed? Would she be mad? Of course. Would she be sad? Obviously. Would she stay with Edward at all? You would think ‘yes’… but would she? Please review! I love to hear what you think!
1. Packing Up

_This story is inspired by the song "Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)" by Billy Joel and the book "My Love, My Love" by Rosa Guy. I don't own the amazing characters or books written by Stephenie Meyer, the inspiring songs by Billy Joel, nor do I own the characters, plot, etc. by Rosa Guy. (Please note: I won't be posting this disclaimer on every chapter; it is, however, always here for reference)_

**Chapter 1. **

_**PackingUp**_

I hopped on my bed in my dorm room and heaved a sigh. I was sick of packing. I was already half way finished, anyway. I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to go after tomorrow.

Actually, I had no idea why I was ever here in the first place.

Carlisle had promised to change me after graduation, but for some reason, (Edward, being that reason) he rearranged his words to mean that he meant after _college_ graduation. I never thought of Carlisle as one to go back on his word, but, then again, the Cullens never did cease to surprise me.

And, of course, Edward had told me that if I married him, then he would change me too. I really wanted to say 'yes', but every time I thought of bringing up the subject, I chickened out. I had discovered a new fear to add to my ever growing list: _commitment_.

I hated getting older - I should have argued with Carlisle more when he changed his mind... Because of my loathing for passing time, every birthday that came and went during my college life was pretty much the same. I would show up to the Cullens house for a party, much like my eighteenth birthday party (only without the risky papercut; after that incident, Alice stopped wrapping my gifts). After a night of being showered with ridiculously expensive gifts, Edward and I would go up to his room and I would bring up the topic of him changing me. On my nineteenth birthday, he simply proposed to me again. I refused. I'm an idiot.

My twentieth birthday was nightmarish. Two days before the fateful hour that would drag me from my teenage years, I went to his house and begged him to change me. I was down on my hands and knees sobbing. He joined me on the floor and asked me to marry him. Once again I refused. God, why do I have to be so stubborn? And so idiotic?

After more begging, I gave up and pretty much destroyed everything he owned. I was so angry that he would not save me from my twenties, that I just started screaming and throwing everything I could reach straight at his face. Of course, Edward just stood there with sad eyes and said nothing as I ruined his priceless collection of music.

After my anger passed, intense guilt came over me and I was disgusted with myself. I rushed home and paid no attention to a startled Charlie as I went up to my room and slammed the door. I made sure it was locked before I flung myself onto the bed and sobbed.

About an hour later, I heard Edward sneak through the window. I opened my mouth to say I was sorry, but he just held up a finger to stop me, and lay down on the bed next to me. He cradled me as I cried some more, and told me over and over again that he didn't care how old I was, and that he would always love me.

Time passed, and my twenty-second birthday eventually came; I was six years older than Edward. I shuddered at the thought. The only reason I could actually live with that fact was that, in reality, Edward was about one hundred and twenty. That comforted me a little, but I still hated myself for refusing Edward's five proposals. God, I'm such an idiot...

A quick knock at my door drew me from my thoughts of self-loathing.

"Who is it?"

"Hey Bella, its Mike."

Mike Newton. He was such a stalker! Just before the deadline for college applications back in my senior year, he found out where I was going to college and he applied there too. Of course, with his perfect grades, he was accepted. He followed me all of my college life, just like the same puppy dog he was when I met him on my first day in Forks. He didn't care where he went to college; after graduation, his only plans were to go on some crazy expedition in Antarctica. Obviously, working at his parents store and talking to all of the psycho explorers to stroll through there had rubbed off on him.

"Hi Mike, come on in," I said begrudgingly.

"So, graduation is tomorrow. Pretty wild, huh?"

"Yeah."

Tomorrow was graduation. I knew it already, but it still excited me that I would finally be a part of the Cullen family in about three days time. I had worked hard the past four years with tons of help from Edward, since he had already graduated from college. Ten times. I had constantly complained, but if I didn't pass, then I wouldn't graduate. And if I didn't graduate, the Carlisle wouldn't change me.

"So… do you need help packing?" he asked. It really was a stupid question. As he could clearly see, nothing in my possession was still out.

"No."

"Oh, okay. I was just wondering if you needed help," he said quietly.

"Well, I don't."

"Okay then…bye…"

"Bye."

I groaned loudly after he left. I really had no need to be so mean to him, but for goodness sake, the kid needed a hobby other than bugging me. He was so oblivious to the fact that I had no interest in him! I heard another knock on the door. Shoot. Maybe Mike heard me groan and thought I was hurt… Sounds like something he would do. _At the first sign of Bella's distress, Mike Newton will be there to save the day!_

"Mike, I'm fine!" I called through the door.

"Well I'm glad that you're okay," Edward said as he walked in, "but why would Mike need to be reassured of that fact?"

"Edward! Thank God it's you! I thought it was Mike again. I swear that kid is better than James when it comes to following me."

Edward grimaced at the mention of James' name. "Sure," was his only reply.

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Hey, settle down. Come on now, we have a special occasion coming up soon." He knew I wasn't referring to the ceremony.

He sighed. "Bella, are you _sure_ you want to do this? You have your whole life ahead of you. When you were little, did you ever dream of having a family?"

"Edward, I _will_ have a family. I'll have you, for one. I'll also have Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, _and_ Rosalie. That's a pretty big family."

"That is true, but that's not what I meant. Don't you want to have _children_?" he asked.

"Well, sort of…" I answered slowly. When I was little, I did dream of having kids. Renee once got me a baby doll for my birthday. I played with it for hours at a time. I would feed it, change it, and sometimes I would even scold the doll and put it in 'time out' if I decided that it was misbehaving.

"I know that you do. I don't need an answer to figure that out."

"Edward, what do you want me to do? I love you, but you're a vampire! I'm not going to leave you and get married to some guy just so I can have kids! I'm simply giving up one dream for another."

"But Bella, I don't want you to have to give up any of your dreams."

"Don't worry about it Edward. Like I've told you before, 'Life's not fair'."

He sighed and looked over my shoulder at the suitcase lying open on my bed.

"I can't get it shut," I complained.

He released me to examine the suitcase some more. "Bella Swan, you are the most horrendous packer I have ever met! How can you even hope to get this closed when you just toss stuff in there? It has to be organized."

"Oh! Well excuse me for not being the _perfect_ packer," I said sarcastically.

He only laughed and began to repack for me. He finished in about 5 minutes; it took me an hour. He even found more stuff that I forgot.

"Perfect at everything…" I grumbled under my breath.

He turned to me and kissed my forehead. "I'd better go."

I looked over my shoulder at the clock: one thirty. Stupid college with its stupid separate boys and girls dorms and its stupid curfews. I was hoping that Edward and I could have been room mates. Heck, I would have been satisfied if he were in the dorm down the hall. But no, they just _had_ to give him the dorm on the opposite side of the campus…

He kissed me again and headed out the door. "See you tomorrow. Sleep well, Bella."

I got ready for bed and crawled into bed. I was lying there for maybe thirty seconds before I fell asleep.


	2. Graduation

**Goodnight, My Angel**

**Chapter 2.**_**Graduation**_

"Bella…Bella, you have to get up now…" Edward's sweet voice called me from my dreams.

"Uhh…" I groaned in reply.

He chuckled quietly to himself as he lifted me out of bed a placed me gently on my feet. I wobbled a little, but he held onto me until I could stand.

"I really hate it when you do that. I can get up on my own," I snapped groggily.

"Bella, your alarm has been blazing for the past twenty minutes, and you didn't move an inch."

I pretended not to hear him as I walked out the door towards the bathroom. He easily caught up to me and handed me my bathroom bag.

"Here, you forgot this. And don't take too long in the shower; you're going to be late if you don't hurry," he added.

"Why? What time is it?" I asked.

"Quarter to seven."

"You've got to be kidding me! I only have an hour to get ready?" I began to sprint to the bathroom. I could hear Edward laughing behind me.

I _walked_ into showers; the floor was to slick for me to cross without falling. There was no time to let the water relax me, I really had to hurry. When I finished, I jumped out, wrapped my hair in a towel, threw on my robe and went to the sink to brush my teeth. Once I was finished in the bathroom, I went back to my dorm to find Edward sitting on my bed with a mocking grin across his face.

"OUT!" I yelled at him and shut the door in his face. _Serves him right._

I glanced at the clock as I put on a pair of underwear. It was now seven twenty. Shoot. I took longer in the bathroom than I thought. I tried to get into my dress quickly, but I couldn't reach the zipper in the back.

"Edward!" I roared.

He opened the door slowly and poked his head through. "Yes?"

"Hurry up and zip the back of my dress and then get out! I still have to get into my gown and put makeup on!" I yelled.

He zipped up my dress, but then just stood there with that same stupid grin glued to his face.

"Edward! Get out! Now!"

"What? You've got clothes on now."

"Edward, I don't have time to argue with you!"

"Okay, so stop arguing and get ready."

I groaned and plunged myself into the sea of black fabric that made up my gown. I put on my shoes, and then rushed back into the bathroom to put on some makeup. I didn't bother putting on too much; one: I don't like much makeup, and two: I didn't have time. Why did the ceremony have to be at a dumb hall ten minutes away? I knew that we would be late. Even with Edward's way-too-fast driving, there was no way we would make it in time for the procession.

I flew out the door and ran straight into Edward. "Jump on my back; we have to go."

I hopped on without complaint. Who cared if my hair would be ruined? I certainly didn't.

We made it there just in time: the procession was just beginning. We snuck into our places in line and smiled as if we'd been there the whole time as our class walked one by one to our seats.

The college dean talked for a while, along with the class valedictorian. Nothing too out of the ordinary: just some talk about our future and how proud our parents are of us, what we need to do for our communities as fully educated citizens… Soon enough, it came time for the presentation of the diplomas.

"Aarons, Matthew," the college president announced. Matthew walked on stage and took his diploma with a huge grin on his face. He shook hands with some people, moved the tassel on his cap, and sat back down.

The list continued and "Cullen, Edward" was called. Edward walked up and took his diploma. Unlike the graduates before him, he didn't have a big 'I'm so proud of myself' smile on his face. The smile looked forced, like this was nothing special… Oh, duh, it _wasn't_ anything special to him, he'd already done this. He took his seat, glanced over at me, and rolled his eyes.

The list went on. After 'Sullivan, Katherine' was called, it was my turn.

"Swan, Isabella"

I rolled my eyes at the formality of my full name. I should have known they wouldn't announce 'Bella'. I carefully made my way up the stairs, but that didn't help much. I still tripped on my gown and had to catch myself on the top step before making my way onstage. The president handed me my diploma and muttered under her breath, "Are you okay?" I nodded and made my way across the stage to shake hands with the others. I turned my tassel, and headed down to my seat.

After the last person was called, everyone cheered and threw up there caps. It was pretty cool to watch my cap fly up in the air with hundreds more. I said goodbye to the few friends I had made in the past four years, said a final goodbye to Mike (hallelujah!), and found my way to Edward, who was waiting with the rest of his family and Charlie, Renee, and Phil.

Edward hugged me and pecked me on the cheek (Charlie was watching). When he released me, I went over to hug Renee. She was, of course, bawling her eyes out.

"Oh my baby girl! All grown up and a graduate from college! I'm so proud of you sweetie!" she sobbed.

"Mom!" I gasped, "I can't breathe!"

"Sorry," she said as she let me go.

I then turned to Phil, who held a hand out. "Congratulations Bella," he said as I shook his hand. "Thanks," I mumbled back. It was kind of awkward. I didn't know Phil that well.

"Bella, honey, great job. I'm so proud of you," said Charlie.

I hugged him. "Thanks Dad."

Now it was Carlisle's turn to speak. "Yes Bella, you did great! Now, how about you and your family come back to our house around five for some dinner?"

At this invitation, Esme smiled hesitantly, and Alice grinned expectantly, but the rest of the Cullens just gawked at him open-mouthed.

"Oh! Well, sure… I guess…thanks," Charlie answered.

"Marvelous! We'll see all of you at five, then." Carlisle smiled, and led his family toward the parking lot.

Charlie watched them leave with an expression of awe on his face. "They're all so graceful… I wonder if they took dance lessons as kids…"


	3. Dinner at the Cullens'

**A/N: i dont really know what inspired me to write more of this story... I almost forgot what my original plan for this was. but for the few people who read it, here you go: chapter 3! and chapter 4, which really kick-starts the whole thing, is on its way.**

**Chapter 3**

_Dinner at the Cullens'_

Charlie, Renee, Phil and I pulled up to the Cullens home at ten to five that evening.

"My God…it's huge!" Charlie exclaimed as we headed towards the house. Carlisle opened the door to greet us.

"Oh good, you've made it! I hope you found the place without too much trouble!" He said.

"Bella knows her way here very well. We got here just fine," Renee replied.

I scoffed at this remark. I did not in the slightest know my way here at all. Even though I'd been to this house hundreds upon hundreds of times before with Edward, I still got us lost; at least an hour out of the way. Charlie had experienced a stroke of genius and suggested that we leave at three, thus we still made it on time.

"Come in, Come in!" Carlisle said as he ushered us into the familiar home, "Let me introduce everyone… This is my wife, Esme-"

"Hello, I'm delighted to meet you," said Esme in her welcoming tone.

"-and this is Emmett, followed by Rosalie-"

Emmett stepped forward and shook Charlie's and Phil's hands vigorously, while Rosalie kept to herself with a polite smile and wave.

"-on the left is Jasper and Alice-"

Alice's greeting was much like Emmett's, only she gave a hug to Charlie; once again, he would be eternally grateful for her help five years ago. Jasper, like Rosalie, kept to himself, but for different reasons. Where Rosalie was being stand-off-ish, Jasper was staying careful.

"- and of course, you know Edward."

Charlie gave a stiff nod to greet him again. He _still_ had not forgiven Edward for leaving without notice my senior year of high school. Even after several of Edward's formal apologies, written and verbal, given every year on the anniversary of his departure, Charlie was stubborn as a mule. Personally, I think Charlie was just being smug about it; maybe he enjoys being a dominant authority figure. Could be, he's usually fairly submissive and quiet.

Jasper took everyone's coats, and Alice led us to the dining room. We took our seats, and immediately Esme began to carry large platters of delicious smelling food out to the table.

"Enjoy," she announced, and Charlie was the first to dig in. No surprises there.

"Oh Esme," he swallowed before continuing. Thank goodness my dad contains some amount of table mannerism in him. "Esme, this is fantastic! I had no idea that you were such a fantastic cook!" Well duh, he had never met her before…

"Me? Oh no, not at all! I haven't touched anything of this meal, Edward takes all the credit. He's been working restlessly from the second we got home!" Esme replied.

Charlie's eyebrows shot up, and he quickly ducked back to his plate in an attempt to hide the wide grin spreading across his face. I had a strong feeling that Edward was finally forgiven.

After dinner, the party continued in the living room where talking and laughter filled the air. I decided to walk around to see how everyone was getting along. Emmett and Phil were deep in conversation, discussing baseball tactics and how they felt certain things should be called. In the kitchen, Renee was helping Esme wash the dishes. They were swapping stories of motherhood and sharing all the anxieties that come along with becoming a mom. By the piano, I could see that Charlie had cornered Edward and was drilling him with questions. About my safety? No, Charlie had more important questions than that. He wanted to know how Edward became such a good cook. Figures.

"Look at that! It's nearly eleven! Phil, Charlie, Bella, it's late, we should be getting home," Renee announced after much of the conversation had died.

"Yeah, we really should go, I'm exhausted. Carlisle, Esme, thank you for having us over," Charlie said. Turning to Edward, he begrudgingly added, "Thanks for cooking."

Edward smiled "No problem. Just give me a call whenever you and Bella don't want to cook."

The three of them turned toward the door, but I made a beeline for the dining room.

"Bella?" Renee called, "Aren't you coming?"

"No, I'm going to stay behind and help clean up."

"How are you going to get home sweetie?"

Then Edward chipped in. "I can drive her there."

"Well… okay, but not too late," Renee surrendered.

"Of course not," Edward assured her, then walked them to the door and bowed them out.


	4. The Fight

**Chapter 4**

_The Fight_

He walked back into the dining room and gave me a pointed look. I ignored his glare and continued to pick up plates and glasses, taking them into the kitchen. When I turned around, he was there blocking the doorway.

"Alright Bella…"

Finally, he was giving up!

"…what are you thinking?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, truly confused by his sudden change of mind.

"I mean, _what are you thinking_? Why didn't you go home with the rest of your family? You know perfectly well that Esme and I can handle the cleaning."

I laughed. "Very funny Edward. You had me there for a minute."

Now his face showed confusion. He wasn't joking.

"Edward, think about it. If I went home with them, how on earth would I have gotten back here for Carlisle to change me and make it look like an accident that I had died? You see, I've had this whole thing planned for months. I stay behind, say that I'm going to help with the cleaning, Carlisle changes me, and the rest of the family tells the story about how you and I were killed in a car accident on the way home. It all works out, and Alice could fabricate the evidence easily enough and then… while all that's….happening….you and I…" my soliloquy faded to nothing as I watched Edward's head shake back and forth. "Edward, why are you shaking your head? Stop… just stop shaking your head Edward…" but he just looked at me with sad eyes, yet under the sadness, I caught a hint of defiance. "Edward, you promised me…you promised me that I would be changed… don't do that…stop shaking your head, stop it… STOP!"

"Bella, I'm _not_ changing you," he stated in a firm, steady voice.

"NO! EDWARD! YOU LIAR! YOU PROMISED ME!" I screamed in his face, but he only held his steady gaze.

"Bella, love, you are too precious and amazing and perfect to be damned to a life like this. Your soul is so…pure, and I could not live with myself knowing that I took that away from you," he whispered.

I was sobbing now, and my hysteria made it hard to speak. After several long minutes, I managed to speak. "You're lying to yourself and to me, Edward. You still have a soul, and making me your _equal_ would not ruin my soul, or any part of me."

He only scoffed. "You think I have a soul? Bella, things like me have no soul. We get no final judgment, and even if we do, we're damned for sure. We-"

I cut him off. "Gadammit Edward! You don't even know what a soul is, so how can you say that you don't have one?! Can you still think for yourself? Can you make conscious decisions and decide what you're going to do each day and for the rest of your life? Are you able to _love_?"

"Yes, but that has nothing to do with-"

"That has _everything_ do to with it! Edward, that _is_ your soul! You're ability to love and to think, your sense of self, your ability to use the pronoun _I_, and not just walk around talking in the third person all the time! So get over your problem with not wanting to damage or take away my soul, because it's not going to do _anything_!"

I stood there with my chest heaving, waiting for his response. He stared back at me, stunned. When he finally spoke, it came out as a barely audible whisper, "How do I know that you're right?"

That only flared up my temper again. He wasn't going to believe me, was he? He wasn't going to trust me or my judgment? Fine.

"CARLISLE!" I bellowed, even though I could have whispered and he would have heard me.

Carlisle came rushing down the stairway, and swiftly into the living room where Edward and I stood facing each other. He paused for a second, taking in my face of race and fury next to Edward's look of sadness and confusion. I didn't give him long to think about what he was seeing, though. I walked straight to the couch, laid down, and stared at Carlisle.

"Change. Me. Now," was all I could spit out in my anger at Edward.

Carlisle looked bewildered. "Right now?!" he asked exasperatedly.

"Now," I replied simply.

"Well, alright Bella, if you're 100 positive… A promise is a promise after all…" and he slowly made his way to me.

He kneeled on the floor next to the couch where I lay, and leaned in.

"You're sure about this Bella? You've thought it through completely?" he asked nervously once more.

"Just do it," I spat at him and ripped off the sleeve of my thin shirt so he could bite my upper arm.

Carlisle took a few long, steadying breaths before leaning in further. A feeling of grim satisfaction passed through me as I felt his cold lips touch my arm.


	5. Departure

**Chapter 5**

_Departure_

I felt Carlisle's lips touch my arm, but I never felt the pain that would have come with his teeth sinking into my flesh…

For Edward released a roar of fury, and next thing I knew, Carlisle was wrenched off of me and thrown up and across the room where he crashed heavily into the staircase. I screamed and fell off the couch.

Apparently, Edward had snapped out of his state of shock.

"NO! NO, NO, NO, NO!" he screamed, "DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HER CARLISLE, DON'T YOU DARE!"

"_EDWARD CULLEN!" _I shrieked at him in my own fury,_ "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DO-"_

"_ISABELLA SWAN!"_ he cried, turning on me now and mocking my scolding. "_WHAT DO _YOU_ THINK _YOU'RE _DOING, TRYING TO TAKE THIS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS?"_

I couldn't speak. My fury and rage bubbled up to levels so high that it left me completely unable to form a complete sentence. All that came out of my mouth was a stream of stutters and spluttering with the occasional profanity.

Edward began to quickly pace around the room, maybe trying to control his temper. I guess it worked a little because when he next spoke, it was in a forced calm tone.

"Bella… if you really want to be changed that badly then there's only one thing that you have to do, and it's not that hard. All you have to do is answer 'yes' to a four word question."

I knew what he was about to say next, and I didn't want to hear it. I looked away from him, towards the staircase. The entire Cullen family was standing near Carlisle, staring at us. I could see now that Carlisle had whipped around the second he fell to make sure that Edward didn't do anything rash and hurt me. He was sitting on the landing, with the same look of horror and worry that the others shared.

"Bella?" Edward whispered, "Will you marry me? Please?"

I turned around to look at him again, feeling the anger build up even more. I loathed that question. Everytime I had ever heard those words issue from his mouth, it only meant another year of pain and waiting for me. With that quesion, I understood it to say "Bella, I love you and all, but I don't really want you to stick around forever." I knew that by asking me to marry him, he wasn't saying that at all, but that's what it _felt_ like. He was unwilling to change me unless I married him. And if i did marry him, how did I know that he would even change me then? Like I said, I loathed that question. And my facial expression showed that loathing.

Edward saw the look of hate on my face, and sank to his hands and knees. He literally started _crawling_ towards me.

"Bella," he sobbed, "Bella, please… Please marry me Bella… I love you so much and I want to marry you… Please Bella… marry me, marry me… just say 'yes'… please marry me…"

A hundred emotions flitted through me in the time span of a few seconds. At first, I recognized more anger and even annoyance. _How dare he put me through this again? _But then, as I saw him tearlessly crying before me, I felt sadness and pity. I stood there for a while longer, analyzing each and every one of these emotions. I gasped when I realized something: not one of these many feelings I had were what I thought they would be. The anger and annoyance was the dominant reaction, and my pity was detached. My pity was the kind that you feel for the rejected lead male in a romance movie. I discovered that I felt no thankfulness that Edward still wanted to marry me. I felt no compassion; no desire to reach down and comfort him in his sorrows. I felt no love. I didn't want to say 'yes', and not because I was being stubborn, but because I _had _no love… not for Edward.

"I'm leaving," I stated bluntly, and walked out the door without another word.


	6. Home

**A/N: i know that this chapter is really short and not much happens but alot of thinking, but the next chapter will be longer (hopefully), and much more interesting. so enjoy and bear in mind that there's more to come!**

**Chapter 6**

_Home_

I was stunned by the words that I heard come out of my mouth, but I knew they were true. I really was leaving. After dealing with the refusal of my change over and over again, I was done. I was tired of waiting for Edward to change his mind. Those hours had been wasted, and my hopes that he actually would change his mind were futile. I was tired of his small and unhelpful comforts that he told me as he attempted to dry my tears after yet another denial. I was tired of the restrictions that our physical relationship had. He couldn't hold me as tightly as he wanted to, kiss me as passionately as he wanted to, and… well… we would never be able to have sex for goodness' sake!

I silently walked out the front door of the Cullen home for the last time. Mechanically, I marched down the steps onto the squishy lawn, only pausing to prepare myself for the long walk home. A miniscule part of my brain begged and pleaded to rush back inside and stay with Edward no matter how old I grew. But it was too easy to quell that tiny voice in the back of my mind.

I headed straight into the forest that separated the lawn from the road, and told myself that once I left, I was never going back. _Never_. This time, there was no opposing voice in my head trying to stop me. While walking, I vaguely heard loud crashing noises and a many angered shouts drifting toward me from the house, but I didn't stop. I tried quickening my pace, and to my surprise I didn't stumble once.

I eventually made my way back onto the main road, and the entire way home, I did nothing but stare at my feet, constantly thinking about the pros and cons of my final decision to leave. There were definitely more pros. I started when I realized that already I had made it to Charlie's front porch. I let myself in- thankfully Charlie, Renee, and Phil were all asleep- and went up to my room to go to bed.


	7. Final Goodbyes

**Chapter 7**

_Final Goodbyes_

I woke early the next morning; Charlie had already left for work, but Renee and Phil were still asleep on the sofa-bed in the living room. Their plane returned to Jackson at noon, and the two of them still had stuff strewn all about the whole house. I decided to start the hunt and make an attempt at packing. Socks, shirts, pants, toothbrush, shampoo - all were gathered and packed neatly into suitcases in a record-breaking time (for me, at least). I had to keep busy to distract my mind from thinking about what I had done the night before. While I slept, that little doubting voice in the back of my head had reawaken and was a bit more difficult to stop.

I continued into the kitchen to start breakfast, making blueberry pancakes: Renee's favorite. She was usually a bit crabby in the morning, and I had a favor to ask of her, so she needed to be in the very best of moods today. As I had predicted, Renee soon came stumbling groggily into the kitchen after the smell of the food made its way to her nose.

She took a seat at the table. "Good morning Bella," she said, stifling a yawn.

"G'morning Mom. How did you sleep?"

"Not too well, hon," she replied, "That old mattress is just as lumpy as it was on the day your father and I bought it… Thanks Bella! These are my favorite!" she added as a set a plate in front of her.

"I know, I have a favor to-"

But I was interrupted as Phil walked through the door. "Uh, Bella, you have a visitor. He's waiting at the door for you."

I instantly knew who it was. I nodded to Phil, setting a plate in front of him too as he set down. Then, taking a deep breath, I walked into the front room. Edward was just inside the doorway, his hair and clothing wet from the rain that was falling outside. His hands were buried deep in his pockets, his shoulders slumped in a dejected way, and a look of sadness and shame on his face.

"Hi Bella," he said timidly.

"Hi." I could tell that this conversation would be interesting.

"Look, um… I was going to come over last night, but… well…" he stopped to clear his throat, then changed his mind about what he wanted to say. It was odd to hear him sound so human. There was a definite lack in his usual flow of words as he continued. "Bella… I am very truly sorry, and I beg that you will forgive me for what I have done. I know I can't… make you come back… but God, I would love it if I could…" His despair was falling from his lips with every word he said, his voice cracking and volume sinking to a whisper by the time he finished. He was crying… the only way he could.

"Edward, I'm leaving with Renee and Phil today. I was going to ask them if that would be okay if I moved back home. I've made up my mind," I told him, trying to be as gentle as possible with my words. I still cared for him enough not to want to hurt him.

He let out a great sigh. "I know. Alice told me already. That's why I came over… Last night, I didn't believe that you were actually going to leave… I didn't _want_ to believe that you were going to leave… Alice knew you were serious, and immediately started yelling at me, '_Go get her you bastard! What are you doing letting her go like that?_' But, like I said, I couldn't convince myself that you were serious, so I waited for you to come back. Emmett got really pissed at me, and began hitting and punching any part of me he could reach, and I didn't bother defending myself. Alice just kept on yelling at me, Rosalie joined Emmett, Carlisle was trying to break up the fight, Esme broke down sobbing, and for the first time, Jasper didn't even attempt to calm the room. He just glared at me, allowing the chaos to continue."

He lost himself in his memories of the night before, and a shudder of horror issued down his spine. He looked back at me, scrutinizing my face, memorizing every detail, attempting to permanently commit it to memory. The next words he spoke were barely a whisper.

"Bella, I was such an idiot. I should not have even let you walk out the door. The second you said that you were leaving, I should have stopped and tried to comfort you. I love you so much, and you deserve so much better. I really hope that you can forgive me, and… and if you'll maybe… take me back… then, I promise… I'll…" He took a deep breath, " I'll change you the second you say 'Go'." At this vow, I saw a tiny bubble of hope grow in his eyes, pleading for my acceptance.

"Edward…" I sighed, "Edward, I'm so sorry." I saw the bubble of hope shatter at my words. "I've already made up my mind, and nothing will change."

The misery etched on his face was heart-breaking. I quickly looked away, unable to bear the knowledge that I had caused such a face, but from I still glimpsed, I could have sworn that I saw tears gathering in his timeless eyes.

"I guess I was too late," he said quietly.

"I'm afraid you were."

"Well… I guess I'll be going home then…" and he opened the door to leave.

"Edward, wait," I said quietly.

He turned around, no bubble of hope visible. His eyes only reflected miles and miles of despair and loneliness. I gently reached up, wrapping my arms around his neck in our last embrace. His arms curled around my waist, firmly holding me there as if he were trying to convince himself never to let me go. We stood there for what seemed like ages, until I turned my head and gave him a small kiss on the cheek.

"Goodbye," I whispered in his ear.

"I love you, and I always will. Please remember that," he replied. He let me go, and walked out the door.

"Edward," I called to him as he reached the driveway, "stay out of trouble." He knew what I meant.

He smiled slightly, and nodded. "You too," he said. I nodded in reply, and my lips turned up ever so slightly at the corners.

I watched him walk down the street, heading back to his house. He never ran, but slowly carried his feet one after the other, at a very human pace.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: hey people! are you shocked to see another chapter? i apologize for taking so long, i was busy with exams, christmas, new years, birthdays, baby showers, retreats, homework, clubs, sports, and more. plus i've just been lazy lately. hopefully this one is better than 7, i know that one wasn't my best. so let me know what you think! also, i couldn't think of a title for this chapter, so send me your ideas. i'll pick the best and give the winner their own character in the story. enjoy!**

**Chapter 8**

_(insert title here!)_

I slowly walked back into the kitchen to find Renee still sitting at the table, a very expectant look on her face as she watched me.

"So?" she prompted me.

"So…what?" I replied. I noticed that Phil was attempting to do the dishes. All he was doing was rinsing the food off of them without any soap. I walked over to him and took over, suggesting that he get ready for the day. He did, and I purposefully turned away from my mother.

"Isabella Marie Swan," my mom said to me, failing at her attempt to use her 'firm' voice. I quietly laughed to myself as she continued, "don't you give me any of that. Tell me what's going on with you two."

"Nothing," I replied simply.

"Nothing," she repeated, obviously not believing me. "Bella, I know you too well to believe that. 'Nothing' is not going on."

I turned to her to allow her to see the honesty in my face. "Mom, 'nothing' really is what's going on between Edward and I. We sort of… broke up last night…" The words sounded odd as they stumbled out. Renee misunderstood my loss for words, taking it as sadness instead.

"Oh honey, I'm so so sorry… Is there anything you need me to do for you? Anything at all?"

Her question gave me an idea. If she thought I was sad about the end of my relationship, I could possibly use it to my advantage… Playing up the 'depressed' façade, I let my voice crack as I continued, "Mom, I don't think I can stay here anymore… Do you think…? Could I possibly… go home to Florida with you and Phil?"

My plan worked perfectly, but I instantly had a gnawing monster of guilt eating away at my stomach. I couldn't believe I had just done that to her. Edward had told me that I'd never make a good actress, but after that stunt, I think he was wrong.

"Of course, sweetheart. Oh Bella, you're always welcome back home!"

With that matter settled, Renee and Phil finished up the packing, and gathered the things that I had missed earlier. I washed the dishes, and must have been scrubbing the same plate for hours while I listened intently for the sound of Charlie's cruiser in the driveway. He was coming during his lunch break to drive Phil and Renee to the airport, and I couldn't find a way to tell him the news. Finally, I heard the familiar sound of the engine, a door opening and slamming shut, and Charlie's footsteps walking up to the back door.

"Hey Bella!" he said with a grin when he spotted me at the sink

I was terrified. My face must have looked like a deer caught in the glare of headlights; my eyes wide open, and my jaw hanging down.

"What's wrong, kid?" he asked. He stepped toward me, placing his hands on my shoulders and looking at me in a 'concerned father' way.

I mouthed wordlessly, trying to find my voice. I was scared to death of what I was about to do to him.

He just chuckled and pat me on the back. "Come on Bella, spit it out."

So I did. I told him point blank that I was leaving.

He was stunned. "Bells, are you sure?" he spluttered, "What about Edward?" he said, bringing up the one thing that he thought could make me stay.

"Edward and I broke up last night and… I don't think I could live like that; seeing him all the time. It would just be too hard," I answered, again allowing a false despair flood through me. I even plastered my face into that dead, grief-stricken look that he'd seen everyday when Edward left me. I was being cruel. "I can't stay here without him."

I am disgusted to say that it worked like a charm. Charlie's shocked and hurt expression, I will never forget. He thought that I was truly upset about the break up, and he was terrified that a zombie daughter part two would ultimately come around. He was also heartbroken when he realized that I only stayed with him because of Edward. I argued with myself that that wasn't true. I loved Charlie, and I stayed with him because of that. But, the more I thought about it, the former reason was the one that I kept coming to. He rambled on, making up wild excuses of why I shouldn't leave, but I just kept shaking my head slowly to each one. He finally gave up, and while trying to hide his tears, Charlie helped me pack, and we were on our way.

The car ride to the airport was long and quiet. Not one person said a word, but Charlie and Renee sat in the front, shooting nervous glances towards me and to each other. Phil sat next to me looking a bit uncomfortable with the situation he found himself in. He just looked out the window. I did too, but I wasn't focusing on anything. I just watched the blur of color flash by. It reminded me of the way I watched that movie with Jake and Mike a few years ago.

When Charlie finally pulled through the entrance, I couldn't have been more grateful. Now I just had to endure the long and quiet flight. The second the car pulled into a spot on the airport lot, I was out in a flash and began to unload the back. I wanted this departure to be quick and painless. I had a flashback to the time just before Edward left, and his reason why no one said good-bye. _A clean break; quicker to heal._

Keeping my eyes firmly on my feet and refusing to look up at Charlie's sad face, I lead the way to the gate from which our plane would be taking off. I kept a quick pace, leaving room for several people to come between myself and the others. As I rounded the corner, I heard Renee call out, "Bella! Watch where you-" But I didn't hear the rest because I collided head on with a large, warm, solid mass.


	9. A Vow

**A/N: hello again! i think that this is my favorite chapter so far. it came pretty easily, which surprised me. so let me know what you think. enjoy!**

**Chapter 9**

_A Vow_

I stumbled backwards and blinked hurriedly to try and refocus my eyes. "I am so sorry!" I cried, and looked up to see who I had attacked, even though I was pretty sure I knew who it was. Standing in front of me was a massive, thick, brown fur coat, a good six and a half feet tall and four feet wide. It slowly spun around, and at the top sat a man's face with a long brown ponytail behind it… _Oh._

"Forgive me, madam. I am Kristof Slovenisky, World Famous Fur Trader and former Mr. Universe Body Builder," replied Kristof Slovenisky with a heavy accent. He then held out his hand lazily as if he expected me to bow down to him and kiss his golden ringed fingers. _Oh please…_

"Right… well, sorry for bumping in to you," I said and took several steps around him. As my other senses recovered from my recent shock, I heard hysterical laughing coming from up ahead. I looked around and soon spotted Jacob doubled over, laughing so hard that his face was turning red as he struggled to breathe. I felt my face get hot.

The others had managed to catch up with me by now. Charlie was panting as he said, "Geez Bells…. What's your rush? Your place doesn't leave for… for at least half and hour…" I just shrugged and watched Jacob walk towards us.

"Hey Charlie," Jake said once he reached our coterie he then added, "Hi Bella, Renee, Phil…"

Once I got a closer look at him, Jacob had really changed… a lot. His face was now broad and angular, almost geometric. He looked absolutely nothing like the awkward boy he was when I'd first met him, nor anything like the upset teenager he was when I'd last seen him. For one, he looked truly happy, with a smile that stretched corner to corner. It was nice to see, especially since I hadn't seen his smile in such a long time, even before our last encounter. Another difference was that he was _still_ taller! I estimated him to be at seven feet, five inches tall. He was also very muscular, but not in the Kristof Slovenisky way. His arm muscles looked solid… not like they were about to pop.

Charlie's eyes bugged out at the sight of him. "Jacob Black! Is that really you?!" Jacob smiled sheepishly as Charlie went on. "What happened? How tall are you now? Ten feet?" _Ha ha, Charlie. You're so funny._

"Uh, actually it's more like seven-seven," he answered. My guess was pretty close.

"So what have you been up to lately?"

"Mostly school. I'm going to a small community college in Port Angeles, and I have two more years to go."

"Good to hear, good to hear," Charlie went on, "Are all the girls chasing you down yet?" I sighed. _Oh Charlie…_

Jacob only laughed. "You bet," he replied. But then he added with an awkward chuckle, "One caught me, actually."

My eyes snapped up to look at him. Was he saying what I thought he was…? He wasn't looking at me though, so I settled down a little. Had Jacob found another girl that he liked? One that had replaced his infatuation with me? A part of me was relieved, but another was a bit upset and jealous. I wondered who she was… Charlie obviously was wondering the same thing, because he let out a low whistle and asked,

"Who's the lucky girl Jake?"

His face didn't turn red as I expected it to, with Charlie's intrusive questions. Instead, his smile widened, threatening to break beyond the limit of his face.

"Her name is Analiese, Anna for short. She's from Bellingham, and I met her when she came to Port Angeles with her family for a weekend vacation. We've been dating for about a year and half," he announced proudly.

"Wow. You gonna marry her?"

A wistful, dreamy expression crept over his countenance, and he thought about his answer before he replied confidently, "Yes Charlie, I think I am."

Tears welled up in my eyes, and a grin spread across my face. I was ecstatic for Jacob that I could hardly stand it. I could tell that he really loved this girl, and I instantly loved her for making my best friend so happy.

Jake glanced at me, then back at Charlie. "I hate to cut this conversation short Charlie, but I really came here to talk to Bella."

"Sure thing," he said, and he turned to leave, "but that reminds me… How did you even know that Bella was leaving?"

Jacob froze. I didn't know how he found out either, but he obviously didn't have an answer that he was willing to share with Charlie, Renee, and Phil. He started stuttering as he wildly tried to improvise a good excuse. I quickly cut in.

"Dad, I called Jacob this morning," I said. It was a logical excuse. Charlie wasn't home, and I could have called while Phil and Renee were getting ready for the day. "I asked him to come down here so I could say good-bye."

Charlie nodded and turned away, leading Renee and Phil the rest of the way to the gate. When Jacob and I were alone, he let out a gust of air.

"Thanks for that one Bells, I owe you big time," he said.

"No problem. So… how _did_ you find out?" I asked.

He looked nervous, as if he wasn't sure how I would react. "Well…"

"_Jacob_," I threatened. It must have been pretty bad, considering that Jake usually told me anything, regardless of how I would feel about it.

He sighed. "Believe it or not, Edward showed up at the border this morning. Seth was on guard and came to get me once he recognized the scent. I went up there half expecting a fight, only what I found was far from a raging bloodsucker. He looked more like… Christ, I don't even know how to explain it. His clothes were soaked through, and there was mud all over his shoes and pants. I think he had walked the entire way to La Push. He just looked so devastated that my prepared defense instantly vanished and I almost wanted to _comfort_ him," he said in a disgusted voice. He sighed again and continued. "I knew that only one thing could put that look on his face, and then I got scared. I thought that he was telling me that you had died. I walked up to him and asked him what had happened. He told me that you left him, and were moving to Florida with your mom. I relaxed a little, but ran back home, got my car, and started to the airport. When I crossed the border, he was still standing in the rain, in the exact spot that I had left him, with that same devastated look on his face…"

I stared blankly at the floor, thinking about Jacob's story. I had all but destroyed the first love of my life. I felt horrible. I never wanted to cause him that much pain.

"So you're really leaving then," Jacob stated.

"Yeah, I really am."

He just nodded slowly, "But you'll come back to visit me, right?"

I shook my head. "No Jake… That's the thing… I'm never coming back to Forks."

He looked hurt by my vow. "Not even for a wedding? I'm going to propose to Anna next week."

"You'll have to send me pictures," I said sadly.

"Wow… you're really, really never coming back," he said to himself.

"I'm sorry."

"I'll miss you."

"Me too."

And then Jake pulled me into his biggest bear hug yet. Getting to see him one last time was priceless, especially after not talking to him or seeing him for so long. His hug was warm and comforting, and I never wanted to leave, but he pulled away, leaving one arm around my shoulders and led me to the gate; my plane was now boarding.

Phil and Renee were already on board, and Charlie was waiting at the entrance. He gave me a hug, kissed me on the top of my head, and said, "I'll miss you so much Bella. So so much. Be sure to call me once in a while, okay?"

"Okay, Dad."

"I love you so much Bella."

I smiled. "I love you too."

He gave me one last squeeze and let me go. I handed over my boarding pass, gave one last wave and a smile to Charlie and Jacob, and boarded the plane. I didn't dare look back.


	10. Work

**A/N: sorry it took me so long to update everyone! i kept gettign annoying little error messages on my computer, so i couldnt... and my brother is singing very badly in my ear, so i'm getting a bit destracted... anyway, enjoy!**

**Chapter 10**

_Work_

"_Gooood morning, Jacksonville! The time is 6:47 on April 14, and it's a beautiful and sunny 78 degrees right now, with a high of 84, and a low of 72. Traffic reports to come after some tunes, followed by a few messages from our providers…_"

I smacked the reset button on my alarm clock as I realized that I had slept late… again. Jumping out of bed, I rushed to the bathroom and into the shower, making it quick. I scrambled into my work clothes, having to start over once I realized my shirt was on backwards. Then I headed into the kitchen for breakfast. As I nearly inhaled my bowl of cereal, I paced around the house, and reached the line of pictures above my mantle. An old picture of Charlie, fresh out of the academy with his badge pinned to his puffed out chest; a shot of Jacob and Anna on their wedding, followed by another of their little baby, my godchild, Jackie; a picture of Renee and Phil on their wedding, and finally one of Alice Cullen that she had sent me just after I left. "_I don't want you to ever forget me, you're one and only true shopping accomplice_," she had written in her letter. That had been the last time that I heard from any of the Cullens. I loved looking at these pictures, but this morning, I had no time.

The drive to work took forever; traffic was a nightmare because the authorities were still cleaning up the road from a drunk-driving accident that had occurred earlier in the morning. Leave it to Renee to want to live in the 'fun' part of town… "_Oh Renee…_" I sighed to myself. An hour later, I finally pulled into the parking garage. Now all that was left was the long walk to my station in the NICU. Walking through the hospital and seeing injuries of all sizes, I wondered yet again when my intolerance of blood had vanished. It was obviously before nursing school, otherwise I never would have enrolled. The first time I noticed it was on the plane from Washington, when the guy sitting next to me got a massive paper cut on his finger that was bleeding like crazy. I got a bandage from the flight attendant and helped him wrap it around his finger when he couldn't get it himself.

I reached my station and clocked in, 45 minutes late for my 8-to-8 shift. The night nurse, in a crotchety mood for making her stay longer, told me about the babies that were currently under my care, and their progress throughout the night. After she left, I checked each of the heart monitors, and greeted my little companions.

"Good morning Jack! Looks like you've gained a few ounces over the past few days, good for you!" I said with a smile. I moved on, "And hello Rebecca! You need to follow Jack's example over there and gain some weight, sweetie. You're still only 4 pounds, 7 ounces," I scolded. "Caiti, how has the earth been treating you in your first 48 hours, huh? You did well overnight, I see."

And my work day continued, taking care of these adorable little things, talking with their parents, and enjoying the job that was never the same…

Completely exhausted, I pulled into the driveway at 8:45. I trudged inside and went straight to the kitchen for dinner. I preheated the oven, took out some leftover chicken parmesan from the fridge, and once the oven was hot, I stuck the chicken in to reheat. While I was waiting, I went back to my mantle to look at my pictures again. An old picture of Charlie, fresh out of the academy with his badge pinned to his puffed out chest; I had found this one while digging through some old boxes in the hall closet at Charlie's one summer when I was back from college. I thought it was a great picture of Charlie. He looked so trim and tough, and the look of pride on his face was priceless. Now at 59, he had a bit of a gut, and wrinkles traced his proud countenance.

The shot of Jacob and Anna on their wedding was received two years after I left. They were married in Forks, in an outdoors ceremony during the 'dry' season. Those two had been lucky that day, for the sky was perfectly clear and it was sunny. The picture of little Jackie was sent to me about 6 months ago; it was taken on her 6th birthday.

I looked at the picture of Renee and Phil on their wedding and paused to think on this one a bit longer. Looking at Renee's face flushed with happiness made my eyes well up with tears. The memories of staying up all night with her in the hospital were still vivid, regardless of the fact that it was 7 years ago. Three weeks before her death at the young age of 57, Renee had developed a terrible hacking cough, a high fever, and had trouble breathing. The doctors never could find out exactly what had been wrong with her, and she died in the early morning with me sitting at her side, holding her hand. Her funeral had been both beautiful yet horrible at the very same time. Phil really suffered without fun-loving Renee at his side, so a month after her death, he moved to Detroit.

The sound of a car door slamming pulled me out of my reminiscing, and I snapped to attention immediately. I listened to footsteps walking up the path, and heard a key unlock my front door. It swung wide open. _What on earth?_


End file.
